WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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