so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
