he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
