The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
