so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
