Where did you get a picture of my penis
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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