Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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