You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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