Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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