Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I want a musical about memes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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