He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
