dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
