Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
