So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want to make out with him forever
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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