..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
