my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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