There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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