Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
