Someone shit on the floor
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
