He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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