I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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