Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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