Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
