you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
