omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
