official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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