so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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