I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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