He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
