One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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