I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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