They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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