I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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