Are we in a gay sports bar?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
