hotel room ftw
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
