i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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