i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I touched a dick in church today
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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