Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
