At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
