you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
