she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
