D3 body, D1 cock
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
