I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
