I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
