Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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