Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My feet surprised me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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