Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
