Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
