its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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