i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
