I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
