Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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