After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
